ZEENAT

 

 

 

The pain that we feel in our hearts is unbearable at times. Even on good days we are left with an ache that refuses to go away. Each night we go to sleep and wake up with it.

 

 

 

A

ll praise due to God I have never had to experience hardship in my lifetime. I grew up within a comfortable lifestyle with loving parents. Once married,I experienced only the normal ups and downs I think most married couples face. We’re were content and happy.

We moved houses a few times and eventually thought we found a place to settle in for the next few years. By then we had 2 beautiful boys and I was facing only the small day to day challenges together with the immense joys of being a mother of 2 young kids.

An opportunity arose to for us move away from our close knit family to the sunny beautiful coast in South Africa. It was challenging starting a new life so far from family and familiarity. But I don’t regret making the decision to move one bit. We experienced the best time together as our little family. We made new memories and grew so much closer to each other. We spent beautiful quality time with the kids. Explored, and fell in love with the outdoors and developed a new found love for our Creator.
They say the test of gratitude is often more challenging than the test of patience. Looking back now I see that I didn’t show enough gratitude to the Almighty for our good health and easy lifestyle.

God says in the Holy Quran
“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried?”

He also says
” And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient.”The Holy Quran”.

So our test arrived just as we were planning to go and spend some time with the family. We were due to leave the next day and the boys and i were filled with excitement and busy with preparations. The day started off with my 2 year old experiencing normal flu like symptoms, a routine check up by a doctor said that he just had tonsillitis. That night his temperature increased despite being medicated, he experienced multiple seizures. We made the dreaded trip to the ER and by the morning hours he was admitted to the ICU. My previously perfectly healthy, happy 2 year old boy, the light of my house and the joy of my heart  was now laying in a sterile room, unresponsive. His beautiful face was covered in tubes for breathing and his little hands, feet and body was full of drips and monitors.
We prayed, we hoped, we massaged his little hands and feet, we sang his favorite songs, and read his favorite stories, we prayed some more but nothing much changed. It was the hardest most emotionally taxing time of my life.

LLooking back I have no idea how I managed to get through those days.I now realise that it was only through Gods infinite mercy and with the prayers and support of those around me that the first few days and weeks passed. 
On two occasions the doctors told us to expect the worst, that my little boy may not make it. 
I was devastated. Through the tears and grief, one thought kept coming back to me. Our children are not ours in the first place. They belong to God and He will call them back to Him whenever He wishes. I witnessed his tiny life hanging by a thread. And at that moment all I could do was to surrender completely and totally to the will of God. I found a new meaning to the words “Indeed we belong to God, and indeed to Him we will return.” The Holy Quran

After a few weeks of no improvement. His heart rate slowly stabilised, infection markers came down and he began to show signs of breathing by himself.
But he was far from being  the little boy we had known. My happy, healthy boy with the best sense of humor was now unable to move, swallow, sit, talk or even hold his head up. His brain had been severely damaged and his prognosis was unknown. Taking him home in this condition was a bittersweet moment filled with fear, sadness and anxiety. 
We were happy to have him home, but this was not the same boy we had taken to the hospital. We had lost a huge part of our son and my older son had lost the friend he had in his brother. 
It has been a terribly difficult time to see him not able to do anything for himself, the fiesty 2 year old who use to insist that he wants to put his clothes on, eat his cereal and even get into his  car seat himself. 
We trudge along through the days and weeks between therapy, home remedies, massages, home stimulation and doctors appointments. 
The pain that we feel in our hearts is unbearable at times. Even on good days we are left with an ache that refuses to go away. Each night we go to sleep and wake up with it. Our only solace is to turn to God and feel comfort in knowing that He is aware of how much we are hurting. He is able to numb the pain, He knows the reason why we are being tested. And only He knows the rewards that will be given to us in paradise should we pass this test.

We are reminded of the statement of God “I am with the ones whose hearts are torn” 
We find peace in knowing that the best and most beloved friends of God, the prophets and messengers were also tested in the most painful of ways.

We find motivation in the promise of God that
“Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease, Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease”
What that ease is and whether it’ll be here or in the hereafter only He knows for sure. But what  we have come to realise is the temporary nature of this world. Our perspective of life has changed to a great extent. The trials we encounter here are only minute in comparison to the rewards in the hereafter.

We will continue to pray for his full and complete recovery, with full faith that He will answer our prayers either in this world or in the next.

“And the Hereafter is better for you than the first [life].” And your Lord is going to give you, and you will be satisfied.” The Holy Quran